GØÄT GÄNG THANKSGIVING ADDRESS

GØÄT GÄÑG THANKSGIVING ADDRESS — November 27th, 2025

From the office of the Chief Gøät Propagandist, Nick Middaugh, RÈBÈLs RÄIDÈRs

Listen up, you beautiful, plate-carrier-wearing degenerates. It’s Thanksgiving, which means the normies are busy carving turkeys while we’re over here carving out another year of refusing to be average. So before you stuff your face with mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce that looks suspiciously like 5.56 tracer residue, take thirty seconds to remember what we’re actually thankful for in this tribe:

• Thankful we’re still here. The ATF hasn’t kicked in the door (yet), the supply chain only half-collapsed, and somehow the Vakarian still hasn’t been cloned by that one company that keeps DM’ing us “for a collab.”
• Thankful for M81 restocks. Because nothing says “I’m thankful” like watching grown men lose their minds at 3:01 PM PST on drop day. We love that you love the gear.
• Thankful for the GØÄT GÄÑG. Yeah, YOU: the dude running a Phoenix pack in winter because “training never stops” (bro, save some for the rest of us), the guy who named his rifle after his ex-wife, the quiet lurker who sent us a handwritten letter with a patch and a single tear stain. The people who rock our gear, tell us how much they love it—and even the ones who love us enough to make suggestions or tell us how we could do better. You’re all unhinged, and we love every single one of you. Thank you for being the backbone of this organization. Without you, we wouldn’t be here.
• Thankful for the haters. Nothing tastes better with turkey than the tears of people who said “nobody’s going to buy goat-themed tactical gear” or swore it was all “East-Asian drop-shipped garbage.” Keep seething, kings. A big thank-you to the GØÄT GÄÑG for defending the gear you love. We wouldn’t be here without your support.
• Thankful for 95Howe still answering my 2 a.m. voice notes about whether Multicam Arid is cringe in Michigan. Listen—I went through a phase. (Verdict: only if you pair it with Oakleys indoors.)
• Thankful for the man, the myth, the legend—RÈBÈL, the shadowy supreme GØÄT commander who somehow keeps this chaos train on the tracks while simultaneously churning out hilarious content and graciously allowing me to do this job. Absolute legend.
• Thankful for everyone who agreed to do interviews with us: Havoc 2-1, Veritas, 95Howe, the Brownells Social Media Guy, and Ronnie Adkins (coming soon). These dudes took time out of their busy schedules to entertain us weirdos. Go give ’em some love.
• Thankful for every soldier, Marine, sailor, airman, guardsman, cop, medic, firefighter, and wildland grunt who trusts our gear with their actual lives. You’re the reason we lose sleep over every stitch and every prototype that hits the range. From the sandbox to the streets to the mountains—you wear it, bleed in it, and somehow still send us selfies with a thumbs-up. We don’t say it enough: thank you for letting RÈBÈLs RÄIDÈRs ride with some real ones. You’ve got a special place in our hearts.
• Thankful for the sacred tradition of someone’s cousin seeing the chest rig hanging in the hallway and asking, “So… you in a militia or something?” Bonus points if you just deadpan, “No, I just really like goats,” and watch their soul leave their body.
• Thankful for the completely made-up, zero-authority position of Chief Gøät Propagandist. A title so ridiculous it somehow comes with a paycheck, unlimited meme privileges, and the sacred duty of explaining to my mom that yes, this is a real job and no, I don’t work for the cartel. Somewhere between court jester and cult spokesperson, I get paid to scream about goats on the internet, interview industry professionals, and sperg about video games. If LinkedIn ever asks my job description, I’m just putting “Professional Chaos Goblin” and attaching a picture of me eating crayons in high-vis ranger green. Bonus points? Pretty much unlimited gently used MREs, Fiber One bars, and adorable goats. Best gig on the planet.

So tonight, while your uncle asks why you need another black rifle—or even better, a new Vakarian or Quarian—just smile, top off that plate with more gravy, and remember: we’re not just eating food. We’re fueling the next evolution of the Gøät Gäng. Raise your glass (or your double-stuffed tumbler of bourbon): To freedom. To gear that ships in under a fiscal year. To never going gentle into that good night of mediocrity.

Happy Thanksgiving, you magnificent bastards. Jokes aside, get off social media and squeeze your friends and family tight. Spend some quality time with them. Today is the day we tell everyone we love why we’re thankful to have them in our lives—even when they make us silently cringe at the dinner table with whatever political takes they drop, or call us dorks for being into preparedness.

Enjoy friends, family, and whatever sweet turkey-day treats you can scrounge. From the office of the Chief Gøät Propagandist to you: We are so thankful for all of you. Now quit reading this and go blow the stuffing out of a turkey-shaped steel target.

Stay dangerous, stay grateful, and stay unhinged.

Forever thankful to you for letting me be part of the GØÄT GÄÑG,

Nick Middaugh,

Chief Gøät Propagandist 

RÈBÈLs RÄIDÈRs

P.S. Black Friday drop intel incoming tomorrow. Tell your wife the credit card bill is just “supply-chain inflation.” She’ll understand. Better yet, use your mom’s credit card. Moms love a good deal. Source: I’m married to one.